This odd phenomena that I like to call "The Blimp" tends to happen more often than I would like to admit. It's when sometimes I feel as though I'm really slimming down and I look fantastic and all my clothes look great.... then the next day or even later the same day I feel like I'm instantly 30 lbs heavier. WTF? Yesterday I felt great and wore these tight black leggings and a cute purple knit top; and today I feel HUGE. I'm sure that it's all in my mind but it bugs me out and it's rather annoying if I do say so myself.
Ugh, makes me wonder how different I look during those slim feeling times when I put on clothes that are more form fitting feeling as though I look pretty freakin' hot. My mind sees one thing but it's probably a whole different ball game on the other end of reality. :( Looks like I'll be hitting the gym after work today.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Oh a day in the life...
So, I've decided that today is going to be a good day. It just is. Mind over matter. I will ignore the idiotic dribble of needy clients and the ever present stupidity of some co-workers. And just like that *poof* it's a spectacular day! :)
On another note...the sweet talker from my past has once again started calling me. Why? Well, because his so called "girlfriend" (I used that term sarcastically because though he won't tell me I know they're engaged and not just at dating status) is being stupid as he puts it. Apparently I'm once again looking like the prized package. When I told him that I was dating someone (I'm not yet though I was fixed up with someone recently so I'm not lying through my teeth completely) he gave a long pause and said how happy he was for me that I was happy. If I've said it once I'll say it a thousand times....I'm done being the girl that sits on the side waiting for someone to notice me. I said goodbye to that girl years ago.
If the sweet talker wants to put his big boy pants on and take some freakin' initiative...then that's one thing but if not...I'll become the one that got away cause I'm not waiting. Besides, my birthday is next month...which for some reason I tend to get asked out a lot during my birthday month...maybe it's because the stars are aligned and I'm glowing due to all the attention I get. Sounds kinda vain of me, huh? Well, if the shoe fits.....
On another note...the sweet talker from my past has once again started calling me. Why? Well, because his so called "girlfriend" (I used that term sarcastically because though he won't tell me I know they're engaged and not just at dating status) is being stupid as he puts it. Apparently I'm once again looking like the prized package. When I told him that I was dating someone (I'm not yet though I was fixed up with someone recently so I'm not lying through my teeth completely) he gave a long pause and said how happy he was for me that I was happy. If I've said it once I'll say it a thousand times....I'm done being the girl that sits on the side waiting for someone to notice me. I said goodbye to that girl years ago.
If the sweet talker wants to put his big boy pants on and take some freakin' initiative...then that's one thing but if not...I'll become the one that got away cause I'm not waiting. Besides, my birthday is next month...which for some reason I tend to get asked out a lot during my birthday month...maybe it's because the stars are aligned and I'm glowing due to all the attention I get. Sounds kinda vain of me, huh? Well, if the shoe fits.....
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Death and Roses
Death is such and unpleasant proposal. Day to day we take our life for granted not thinking about the end until something happens that shakes us awake to the reality that we only have a limited time here among the living.
I, on the other hand, am not like most. I am constantly thinking that life is too short and seems to be flying by too quickly. I have had my own brushes with death and have confronted the angel of death knocking on family's door as well. Constant thoughts flood my mind of a time where I will lose the ones that I love most. And though I know that all of this is inevitable, and I suppose a bit morbid, it helps me to not take anyone or anytime for granted.
With that said...I tend to have frighteningly vivid dreams. It gets to the severity that once I wake up it takes me a few minutes to realize that I was dreaming. I have had dreams like this all my life but as I have gotten older they have become more and more vivid. Last week I dreamed that my close friend had gone missing and that we had sent out search parties and filed numerous police reports. When I woke up crying I had to call her to find out if she was ok. She of course was just fine.
Today I woke up crying from one of the most horrible dreams I think I have ever had...and I've had some pretty horrific ones in my past. In this dream I walked up to my father and saw him in a red sweater that was much too big for his already skinny frame. His face was dark and sunken in around the eyes and cheeks. His glasses were gone and he just shuffled along the sidewalk toward me. I hugged him so tight that I thought I might have broken him and I told him that every time I see him I feel like it's been forever since the last time we saw each other. He just hugged me and told me that he had cancer but that it would be ok...which is something my dad would say in a tough time. I woke up devastated. It took me a full 5 minutes to convince myself that he wasn't sick and that it was all a dream.
All that coupled with my thoughts on death and the fact that I'm closer to my parents than anyone else on this earth really hit hard. Oddly I tell my parents everything and anything that goes on with me or that I'm thinking about. Nothing is kept from them. And though that may seem a bit weird, it's the most natural thing to me. I don't think I'll be able to handle them passing. I pray that God waits until I'm ready. Is that selfish of me?
I, on the other hand, am not like most. I am constantly thinking that life is too short and seems to be flying by too quickly. I have had my own brushes with death and have confronted the angel of death knocking on family's door as well. Constant thoughts flood my mind of a time where I will lose the ones that I love most. And though I know that all of this is inevitable, and I suppose a bit morbid, it helps me to not take anyone or anytime for granted.
With that said...I tend to have frighteningly vivid dreams. It gets to the severity that once I wake up it takes me a few minutes to realize that I was dreaming. I have had dreams like this all my life but as I have gotten older they have become more and more vivid. Last week I dreamed that my close friend had gone missing and that we had sent out search parties and filed numerous police reports. When I woke up crying I had to call her to find out if she was ok. She of course was just fine.
Today I woke up crying from one of the most horrible dreams I think I have ever had...and I've had some pretty horrific ones in my past. In this dream I walked up to my father and saw him in a red sweater that was much too big for his already skinny frame. His face was dark and sunken in around the eyes and cheeks. His glasses were gone and he just shuffled along the sidewalk toward me. I hugged him so tight that I thought I might have broken him and I told him that every time I see him I feel like it's been forever since the last time we saw each other. He just hugged me and told me that he had cancer but that it would be ok...which is something my dad would say in a tough time. I woke up devastated. It took me a full 5 minutes to convince myself that he wasn't sick and that it was all a dream.
All that coupled with my thoughts on death and the fact that I'm closer to my parents than anyone else on this earth really hit hard. Oddly I tell my parents everything and anything that goes on with me or that I'm thinking about. Nothing is kept from them. And though that may seem a bit weird, it's the most natural thing to me. I don't think I'll be able to handle them passing. I pray that God waits until I'm ready. Is that selfish of me?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Why can't you just be normal?
I was asked by a co-worker today, "Why can't you just be normal?" He said that I'll never get married or find a boyfriend because I'm just too goofy. I'm sorry but I'm just going to have to disagree with that statement. Just because I enjoy Doctor Who, Star Trek, Disney and find little stupid things amusing doesn't make me essentially 'broken' in a sense to where I can never find someone who will want to be with me. There are plenty of people who have their love of World of Warcraft and Dungeons & Dragons and they are in relationships. It's as simple as finding someone who enjoys the same things that you do and if not they accept your weird quirks and let you be who you are. Yes, I love geeky things that are not 'normal' but why would I want to be with someone who I couldn't be myself with? Besides...I like me. :)
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