Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Opening yet another chapter...

In my last few posts I know I told you all that I've decided that I'd become a vagabond of sorts and that I would be moving around at random and experiencing new things and cities, etc. Well, now that I've made the first step in that voyage I have realized that I am a wuss and that I might have gotten mixed signals from myself. I told myself that I wanted out and that I wanted something new and adventurous. ....I might have misunderstood what I was telling myself lol.

Though I love travel and experiencing new things I have come to a point in my life where I want to settle in somewhere. And despite what I thought when I was younger, I want to be as close to my family as possible. I am loving my little 'break' here but I am definitely decided that I do not want to be here permanently. Actually the day I got here I wanted to turn around and go home. Alot of people are expecting many things from me that I just don't think I'll be able to it give them. I admit that I have no clue what the hell I'm doing...in any aspect of my life. I'm still trying to figure out what I should/want to do be doing. I may never figure it out. But what I do know and what is clear at this point in my life is that I love travel, I love meeting new people, I'm enamored with history and I can take as many vacations as my wallet and good planning can get me but that I don't want to leave my family very far behind. Life is too short to piss away time with those who you care about most.

So in conclusion...I have no idea what I'm doing other than disappointing some people, confusing myself, putting miles on my car and continuing to try and figure out what I'm doing with myself. :)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


I would like to preface this post by explaining that if you don't know what type of person I am already just know that I am the least judgmental, most forgiving and patient person there is. I put up with a LOT of crap before I just walk away from a friendship. Now, I'm not saying that to fluff my own feathers but merely to express that I'm not a bad person. I've never in my life encountered anyone who flat out doesn't like me and thinks that I'm out to get them....until now. I won't use names for the sheer fact that it's rude and I wouldn't want anything to come back and bite me in the ass although I'm quite certain that it will regardless of my efforts.

This person has held disdain for me for years. I've tried in more ways than one to fix this notion and mend what I could but no matter how much I try or what I say it never waivers. I know I shouldn't care what they think of me but unfortunately I am in a position to where I cannot simply walk away from this person and pretend they don't exist. It hurts to know that I originally cared so much for this person and that I was being deceived the whole time. Not only did they go behind my back and invade my privacy but they also won't be grown up enough to come to me and discuss their issues. My biggest pet peeve is fake people who pretend to like you or be something they're not. This is all that I've gotten from this person from years. I've been used emotionally and never really been treated like the adult that I now am.

I say all this to say that I don't know what to do at this point. If I speak my mind with this person then they might dislike me more than they already do. My filter doesn't work at all so it's all or nothing! If I say nothing then I'll just be allowing my annoyance to bottle up inside. Ugh.