Thursday, December 23, 2010

Deck the halls...

So me and my pops went on a "family" vacation to the Bahamas. I will say that it was one of the best Christmas presents ever! Though I wasn't able to use any cell phones or computers I still had a good time...despite the constant itch to reach for my phone and text someone. Now I'm back home all comfy on my own couch with Molly snuggled next to me.

All my Christmas shopping has been done (except for the presents I'll buy after the sales start) and I'll start packing for my second trip to spend time with the other half of my family and my other extended family. So the skinny of it is I will have what we HSPs call sensory overload. But since it's family that I feel more comfortable with than any other people in the world, it will work out just fine.

Again, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and I hope that everyone has someone to spend Christmas one should be alone on Christmas. May Jesus shine His love and light on all far and wide. :)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

17 days until Christmas!

Only 17 days until Christmas Day. I'm so excited! I've decorated the house and the office in lights and Christmas trees. It's all so pretty and it gives me that warm fuzzy feeling inside. :) Christmas is my favorite holiday and I tend to go all out when it comes to giving presents and decorating. It reminds me of a time of innocence and naivety when I thought that nothing could go wrong and that whatever was going on didn't exist as long as it was Christmas.

All this happiness and excitement yet I am still trying to shut my brain off. Me being the over thinker that I am I can't help but think this is yet another Christmas/New Year's that I won't have a 'significant other' to share it with. Of course I have fantastic friends and family that will make me forget all of that without even trying but for right stings just a little bit. Though it may sound like a broken's still what's playing in the back of my mind.

So until I fly back home for Christmas I'll be stuck playing the same record in my mind of woe is me. Let's hope these 17 days fly by ever so quickly!!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Yes I'm moody, get over it!

I don't understand how two-faced people can do what they do. There's a particular co-worker of mine that acts as though she's your best friend in the whole world...until the Boss comes in. Once the Boss is here she just does a complete turn around. She becomes this monster of a person and thinks she's better than everyone else and that she knows every possible piece of information possible and that no one else is correct except for her.

Now, granted...if I'm wrong about something...tell me and I'll fix it. I may not be the best sport about it because I don't like being wrong (who does?) but I'll accept my mistake, fix it and move on. But the way that this one delivers it is like a snotty little 5 year old! 'look, this is wrong...see it says 60 days, not six months? You need to fix it. And by the way, here's my filing to do too. Ok? Thanks.' It's just freaking annoying because she treats me like I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, I'm sorry but I went to school for this job and I've been doing this for 6 years so...I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing.

Grrrr! Ok, now that I've vented and made a complete ass out of myself I will move on to more productive things. Just had to share! ;)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

...that's so me!

Have you ever been talking about something and come to the sudden realization that no one really cares about what you're talking about? Then you quickly try to either spice up the story with some really awesome lie or you just taper off and stop talking to see how long it takes for anyone to realize that you stopped talking? Yeah...that happens to me all the's not awesome.

At least with my bestie that never happens. Then again he is my best friend and that kinda goes along with the job title of best friend, doesn't it? At least with my best friend it is. There's never any boundaries with us...which is refreshing yet it can have it's oddities. Like the time that he called to describe this bump on his butt that he didn't know what to do with. Seriously. He called and said, 'I have this bump right on my ass and I don't know what it is. It kinda hurts but I don't think it's a you want me to send you a picture so that you can see it?' Uhhh....negative.

I will be flying out to the good old country for Christmas and New Year's. My mom has already determined what I will be doing while I'm there as well as what she will be cooking for me. Though the bestie will be attached to my hip for the duration of the stay so that will be exciting. Yay! lol, that is all for now....

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I am SO thankful to have my family. I know that there are some people who don't have a family or are estranged from their families and I can't imagine the heartache they must feel not only year 'round but even more so during the holidays. For the first time in YEARS we are all under one roof and we are all happy to have each others company! This is the first Thanksgiving in 5 years that I am actually happy to be where I am and who I'm with for the holidays.

My dad, uncle and I put the Christmas tree up Saturday. Even though we bicker about the location of the decorations on the tree or what angle it needs to be at, we're building memories that I will cherish forever.

No matter how much griping and complaining I do in life I am grateful for the family I have and the friends who are closer than family. Sometimes I forget this simple treasure but when the holidays come around I am reminded how lucky I am to simply be me.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Friday, November 19, 2010


In the business that I am in there are many fake people that I encounter almost daily. Maybe it's the girl who called from another office that needs a signature as her boss is out of the office. Or perhaps it's the rep from another office who's trying to butter you up so that you'll like them enough to feel inclined to send their boss some business. Whatever the case there are fake people everywhere. Sometimes it gets hard to decipher which ones are just trying to get your business and the ones who are really wanting to be your friend.

It just so happens that I have encountered one such person and deciphered within 1 minute of seeing her I knew right away that she was just trying to get the business. She had come in with her hair done up, jewelry dripping off of her, heels that went on for miles and a tacky tweed jacket to top it all off. Now, I had encountered her before outside of a work setting and thought that she was a genuinely a nice person and we were on the fast track to actually becoming friends. Maybe somewhere deep, deep, waaaay deep down she is a good person...but on the surface...not so much. Turns out she just wanted my business and once I told her no she stopped calling me, texting me and pretty much forgot that I existed.

So in she strolls to my office acting all perky and nauseatingly fake. Trying to sell, sell, sell. I wasn't having it. I tried to put on my most professional face and handle it with poise. I kept my composure but after she left I just spewed. She had the nerve to criticize everything from the locks on our doors to the curtains we have hanging in the lobby. I mean, really? A) It's not that serious. And B) How rude is that? You don't just come into someone's office and start talking about stuff like that to their face. Go complain to someone else if you really feel compelled to discuss it.

And yet these are adults that I'm talking about. Whatever. All I know is that if she does it again, she's getting called on it and I don't care where we are and who we're with. Take that! lol

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

This is the sound of my heart beat

I love how music is my therapy. If I'm upset I can find a song that matches what I feel and yell my frustration out. When I'm happy there's a song to correlate and extend my happiness. And so on through the various emotions. People go to shrinks and counselors....I just listen to music. Music is my drug.

And sometimes when I least expect it and when I'm in no particular mood at all one of my many favorite songs will come on the radio and it will brighten my day and take me away into the land of the song.

I realize that some people may not relate but some do. And those select few know exactly what I'm talking about. :)

Monday, November 15, 2010

Angry Customer.

Can I just say that I am overwhelmingly tired of Proactive? Now, the product itself works wonderfully don't get me wrong. It's the company that's full of shit and wants to charge hidden fees and then claim that they explained all of that and that you consented to it.

The reason I set up an online account was because I was trying to avoid going to the mall to buy their product when I can easily do it online and have it sent to my front door. Thus is my punishment for being lazy. I couldn't order the exact item I wanted online unless I purchased a full kit which they advertise for $19.95 which is whatever, I bought it and was satisfied. Then maybe 2 or 3 weeks later my account was charged $34.50 for another kit that I didn't order. They claim that I chose auto shipment...which is a load of crap. So I go and try to cancel out my account today because at the rate their going my entire paycheck is going to be at Proactive. But much to my can't cancel have to call a customer service rep and tell them that you want to cancel. Super.

The lady tells me that I can save so much money if I just keep my 'preferred member' status online. I told her thank you but I don't like the fact that they are automatically shipping something to me and I'm not given a choice to just order when I want to. Of course she says that I always have a choice and that I'm in control of the way I order. She's full of it. So I kindly decline. She then asks me if I want the final payments to be split up or paid all at once. Excuse me, what?? I already paid $34.50 for the last package they sent that I didn't want. Oh, they were kind enough to not charge the full amount at the time and split the payments up for me. So I have two more payments of $19.95 that I don't even freaking want!

I think that I'm just going to send the package back and write a nasty letter to the owner or whoever the heck authorizes the way they do online business. I'm usually not one to be an angry customer but today the gloves are off!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Thus is life.

Last night my father complained about my DVR habits stating that I, "have too much shit in there! Look at all of that...none of that is educational at all it's just mush!" Ok, I'll admit that the stuff I tend to record in an effort to prevent having a mini melt down as a result of me missing it are a bit lacking in educational value. But the reason I record The Vampire Diaries, The Big Bang Theory and Sonny With A Chance (to name only a fraction) is because I deal with criminals, death, destruction and quite frankly some pretty serious stuff on a daily basis. After a long day I need some kind of mental vacation so that I don't make myself sick with worry or analyzing everything.

At 25 I still read teen books full of vampires, fairies, everlasting love and dark secrets. I still watch cartoons and cartoon movies. I still get overwhelmingly ecstatic when I go to Disney World. Christmas is still my favorite holiday and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside like nothing could possibly go wrong in the world. And colorful, sugary cereal still gets me giddy. All of this is because if I don't maintain a little bit of innocence and put my blinders up then I would probably be a heaping mess of nerves and emotions. Everyone needs their happy place/time. I suggest all of you do the same if you don't already.

Friday, November 5, 2010

The past is the past.

A chance encounter made a flood of childhood memories almost suffocate me in a matter of minutes. My childhood is always a time in my life that I try my hardest to repress and forget with the exception of a few good memories like spending weekends at my best friend's house or having my grandfather present for every father/daughter activity that ever came up during my school years or even baking cinnamon rolls from scratch with my grandmother. Those are the memories I cherish.

The reason that I have made an effort to block all rest out is because of my mother. My mother has Bipolar Disorder. She came from a severely abusive family which only worsened the manic episodes she would have when she wasn't on her medication. She was a single mother and working with a fixed income so many times she would forgo her meds and self medicate with pain pills and liquor which obviously only makes things worse.

One manic episode she somehow regressed back to being a five year old who barley spoke any English. I had to distract her with toys and bubbles and make her feel comfortable enough so that she wouldn't run away into the woods. Simultaneously I had to make dinner for her, me and my then 1 year old sister. I was ten years old.

Another episode was when she was having some sort of a manic low and decided that she couldn't take care of me anymore. She left me in a store parking lot for 20 min. before deciding to come back for me. I was 4 years old.

These are only a few minimal things I dealt with growing up with a Bi-polar mother. If I wrote out all of them I would be here for days. With all the pain an hurt that I have endured with her...I know that I am a stronger person because of my experiences. I will admit that I was very angry with my mother for many years and it took me a long time to forgive her and move past it all. In the past 3 years we have grown closer and mended our relationship. Now I admire her for all that she has overcome and I consider her one of my best friends. Whenever I need someone to listen to me prattle or complain or worry....she's always the first person I call.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm the crazy one.

I have been continuing the hunt for a date and/or something more serious. I started e-mailing a guy (we'll call him J for now)last week and he gave me his phone number on Friday. This weekend I went out to a costume party with some friends so I completely forgot about getting J's number. On Sunday evening I finally remembered and so I sent a friendly text reminding him who I was and apologizing for taking so long to contact him. This all of course goes against all advise I have ever received from friends, family, television and books. The guy is supposed to be the first to contact you and you're supposed to sit back and just wait for him to muster the courage to call you. Well, for years I have been following this advice and obviously something is not working as I am still single so I dismissed all that nonsense and I sent a text. Sue me.

As a result the conversation went well, he's a great person and very nice (and attractive I might add). I don't know what is going on inside my dumb head but I have been thinking about this guy all day. I have little butterflies in my stomach and I'm thinking all of these what-ifs. I'm over thinking the situation like I have with EVERYTHING else in my life. So from my past experiences I can already predict what will happen. I will inevitably start telling my friends and family about him, go on a date with him and then in turn I will jinx myself and sabotage the entire relationship before it even becomes a relationship.

Thus with all that said....I am going to attempt to dismount from the path that is destruction and self doubt and try to find the correct path to be on.... Wish me luck!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Grammar people, grammar!

Today I am fishing through various e-mails from potential dates. I have not found one person, not one who can put a proper sentence together or one that even knows where a period should go. I mean, I'm no English scholar and by all means I know I make mistakes but I at least don't sound like a bumbling idiot when I type or write...or at least I seem to think so. (I actually used to grade my friend's term papers for them for a fee of $25 a piece in high school if that tells you anything about my grammar skills.)

With that being said...I'm having a hard time getting past a small thing like grammar with a few of these guys. One of them actually sent a message that read: 'oh thats kool great that you can do that do you know when we can c each other and hang out cuz u really hott' Um, seriously?? I don't want to be painfully picky but at the same time...learn to write a freaking sentence before you start to ask a lady out! Jiminy Christmas!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Let's make movie magic!

My wonderfully amazing best friend decided that it was his new mission in life to set me up with the perfect guy. He currently lives in a different state so he couldn't be here to personally interview these potential suitors. So what did he do? He set up a personal add for me locally and started to interview these gentleman through e-mail. Sounds like a Julia Roberts movie, doesn't it?

Well, the dating montage has now begun and I am dating and eliminating guys right and left. The first one...Jim...was so painfully boring that I couldn't even carry a decent conversation with him. The second one...Todd...was so domineering and pragmatic so he was of course eliminated as well. I'm too much of a dreamer and a free spirit for all that nonsense. Thus my hunt continues. I'm very lucky to have such an awesome best friend. lol

Monday, October 25, 2010

Tight grip on reality

Though I haven't blogged in a hot minute, nothing has changed. I'm still a single 25 year old living at home with dad, barely making an income and still don't have much of a social life. You might wonder why I don't just stop complaining and do something about it? Well, it's a little more difficult than all of least in my mind. I work for my father. Big shocker, I'm sure. But I don't make much because I'm the daughter and I live at home so to my father he doesn't see a reason why I need to make all that much money like I used to because I don't have rent or utilities to pay for anymore. And if I leave and go somewhere else I would be slapping my father in the face. I've been working in the legal field for just about 6 years now so the only job I would have enough experience for would be in the legal field which would mean that I would go work for a rival attorney....which is no bueno in my father's eyes.

And as far as fixing the single and no real social life's easy I know because I've done it before and it was great. But I just feel like a literal stick in the mud who can't seem to get things going. I just don't want to make the effort...I just want it to fall into my lap. Is that too much to ask for?? Apparently it is.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Confessions of a crazy person

I have always been told throughout life that I am way too sensitive or that I am an old soul. I saw that I was way different from my friends but never felt the need to change it. After years of feeling like the odd ball of emotions, the fog has cleared and there is now an answer to the chaos. I am, by the scientific term, a Hypersensitive Person...or an HSP as the cool kids say lol.

As an HSP I am made uncomfortable by loud noises, deeply moved by music, startle very easily, life changes shake me up and take a while to adjust, moving or rearranging of furniture takes me a while to adjust to, other people's mood affect mine....and the laundry list goes on and on. Though admitting all of these things makes me sound like somewhat of a freak or an emotional train wreck but in all actuality I have learned to manage mostly all of it. Even though many people don't understand and think that I'm full of bologna...but only 15% of people actually have this personality disorder of sorts.

Just to give you a visual: our office moved to a new location over the weekend. I have been in the same office for almost 6 years now. So obviously I had a few hitches when it came to coping and processing everything...but I made a quick recovery. A week later and I actually like the new place and my new office. My office is considerably smaller than my old office but I do have a window so it makes it all better. :)

Friday, October 1, 2010


It's finally Friday. It feels as though the week has dragged on yet it's flown by. How is it fair that time can fly by yet go as slow as cold molasses? Only time will tell, right?

Friday, September 24, 2010


Last Friday I went to dinner with a good friend. After dinner we were standing in front of the restaurant waiting for valet to bring our car. This older woman came up to me and said, "Hey!" I searched her face trying to think which campaign party or courtroom that I had met her at. I returned the greeting and waited for her to start the conversation and hopefully tell me who she is. Then she said, "Smile. Everyday, smile...please." I thought ok, this lady is just drunk and needs to keep on walking. Then she said, "I would give anything to be in your shoes."

Seriously?? Who wants to be in my shoes; who wants to be me? I don't know who this woman was but she got me thinking. No one really wants what they have...they always want what someone else has no matter how minor it is. I always liked being myself and I love my life but sometimes I wish I lived in a bigger house or that my medical bills would mysteriously vanish or that I was a little thinner and had a boyfriend. We always want something bigger or better than what we have and we're never truly satisfied with who we are and what we have.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Divine Intervention.

For some time now I have been feeling lost. Like I am wandering through a fog soaked forest that I can't seem to find my way out of. I wanted out, I wanted a change. I needed to find the missing puzzle piece that would complete me and make me feel normal again.

I sat down and prayed. I prayed that God would place me where he wants me; show me where he wants me to be. The following week my friend invited me to go to church with her. I was hesitant at first but I knew she needed my support and a little Jesus couldn't hurt. I have been to this church in the past and it never really impressed me. The Sunday that I went it was like I was walking into a different church that I had never been to before. It clicked and I knew that God wanted me to be here and that I would be finding the missing piece to my puzzle. It's funny how God works. He will always answer prayers with a yes, no or not yet. I have been praying years for a church that I felt connected with. Little did I know that God was saying, 'not yet.' Perfect timing.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

My heart beats for love....

Yesterday as I sat curled up on the couch with the cat I asked myself, why am I single? Maybe it’s because I can’t find anyone that I really want to spend time with. Or maybe it’s because I work too much or it might be because I never really go out to clubs and stuff. But honestly I think what it all boils down to is Seth.

Seth is a guy that I was with for 3 years. When we were together I always felt safe, loved and important. I felt as though I was the only person who existed when he was around. I loved him beyond words. You could’ve put Brad Pitt in front of me and I probably would have still been looking around for Seth. Our friends always said we were like a little old married couple the way we would show concern and unconditional love for each other. When he asked me to marry him I thought that life couldn’t get any better than this. But all good things eventually have to come to an end.

Four months after he proposed he told me that he was gay. My world crumbled and I was a mess for almost 2 years after that. I picked myself up and dusted myself off and decided to put it behind me and find my real soul mate. Fast forward to 5 years later and I’m still single and going through guy after guy who I just can’t seem to ‘connect’ with.

I have come to this conclusion. I think I am not necessarily waiting for someone exactly like Seth by any means but I think I am looking for that same type of love. I am looking for someone who I can feel safe, loved and important with. I want to find someone who I love unconditionally and not give a second thought to being with anyone else. Sounds like an easy task to find someone like that, right? Yeah, it’s much harder than I thought it would be.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Give, give, give.

Lately I feel like a bank, chauffeur, maid, counselor, and nurse all rolled into one. My family and friends are draining me. 'Can I borrow $70, I promise I'll pay you back Friday.' 'Can I get $100, I will give it to you next week.' Seriously?? This is coming from people who are getting paid more than I do or have two jobs. Why do I say yes? Because it's family. All I know is that one day my ship will come in. Until then....I will continue to bitch about it first and then open my purse second.

Friday, September 3, 2010

It's not nice to talk gibberish.

I find myself at the office alone....yet again. Where is everyone else you ask? Well, they each have their own excuses as to why they aren't here. "I was out until 3am at that strip club down the street," or "I didn't get to sleep until 6am." Either way...I get some quiet time to myself so I don't mind too much. Plus it's Friday which makes everything better.

Last week I went on vacation to TX. Not usually the top vacation spot but because one of my best friends lives there it made it epic. We went floating down the Guadalupe River. Always fun when the river guide tells you to 'keep left at the first turn and then right at the second or else it's a bumpy ride.' Really? I have no paddles, there's hardly a current and you want me to steer in specific directions? Negative. What ended up happening was S and I yelling and screaming when we couldn't get over to the right side in time which resulted in our butts getting smashed on the rocks below...super. And to top it off S thought it was a great idea to pick the 4 hour tour instead of the 2 hour tour.

After we floated the river we went to the bustling, culture drenched San Antonio. We checked into the historic St. Anthony Hotel. Beautiful hotel, vintage circa 1901 yet it has been somewhat updated over the years. Looking at the lobby and the long hallways it made me start to feel as though I was caught between The Shinning and The Twilight Zone. I was told that the 9th floor is haunted and that as long as we don't get that floor we should be fine. I blew it off and thought that they probably just tell people that so they can attract those who have an addiction to the weird and unknown. I was apparently wrong. I have always been curious about what happens after death and whether or not the 'spiritual beyond' truly exists. I will now tell you a story that you may or may not believe. All I know is that I know what I heard and felt.

S and I met up with some friends at a local piano bar near our hotel. It was a great time, none of us had more than one or two beers and after watching some drunken patrons make fools of themselves we decided to call it a night around 11:30pm. As S and I walked back to the hotel we argued about who would use the bathroom first. And because she was much faster than me she won the argument. When it was my turn I went into the bathroom and sat on the loo. As I sat there I was replaying the scenes of the night and thinking about what a great time I had...then I heard a voice. Now, let me verify that S was on the other end of the suite in the living room area and the t.v. was not on in either the bedroom or the living room and that no one else was in the suite except the two of us. As I was trying to determine whether or not I heard anything in the first place I heard the voice again only it was louder and clearer than before. It was a man's voice that whispered, "Help me." I have never exited a bathroom so quickly in my entire life. I didn't even bother pulling up my pants. When I told S she said I was just making things up. So I went out into the hallway to get some ice and try to convince myself that I hadn't heard anything and I must just be very tired. On my way back I felt a hand brush through my hair. I proceeded to go back into the room, pray hard and slept with the t.v. and the lamp on. That is my with it what you will.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I should be in bed.

When it's raining so hard that you can't see the road ahead of you...that's a sign that maybe we shouldn't be driving into work. Rainy days always translate to lazy days especially in Florida. If you have never experienced the wonderful rainy season of Florida...let me enlighten you. First the sky turns black...and I'm not talking just a little dark I'm talking 8:00pm dark. Then the rain comes. Now this is no ordinary rain. This is a torrential downpour. This wonderful combination makes it almost impossible to drive in and in turn makes you not even want to leave your house. It has been like this all day....which is not cool in the least bit. It's one thing if I had something to do at work but alas I do not. The server is down which means no one can do any work yet the boss thinks we all need to be here. Super. Is this day over yet?

Monday, August 16, 2010

Just Breathe...

You know when people say that their patience is wearing thin or they are losing their patience? Well today mine does not exist. Why? Maybe it's because it's Monday and I'm back at the office. Maybe it's because my father has gone on more dates this weekend than I have in an entire month. Or maybe it's just because I don't want to be here at the moment and my supervisor has decided to take what I said and throw it back and me like she's trying to teach me how to do what I just schooled her on. And all of that is just a mere fraction of it all. Now granted I'm not in a 3rd world country fighting for my life and food and living in poverty...I am grateful for what I have; I truly am. All I'm saying is that I'm just a little annoyed and I need to find some perspective in these motions that we call life. What's the trick to it all? Are there cliff notes or shortcuts somewhere? I only wish that I knew.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Hot Mess

I was told by my boss yesterday that I need to get it together and find pride in my work again. Don't get me wrong, I really do like what I'm doing but I just don't think I like it as much as I used to. After 5 years working at the same firm...I'm kinda burned out. I'm making 'rookie mistakes' according to my boss. 101 mistakes that are so minor it's ridiculous. I think I just need a different career all together. Maybe I'll just move to Ireland for a year and work at a market or something. It's just sad that I don't have the passion that I used to. Thank God that today is Friday which means that I don't have to be a professional until Monday. I hope that everyone else is having a much better day! :)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Sunday UN-funday

It's only 2:42 in the afternoon and yet it looks and feels like it's 5:30p. It's rainy, dreary and boring. I keep trying to think of something different to do to kind of wake me up from my funk that I've let become my life for the past few months. I've thought of joining the Peace Corp, AmeriCorp, moving to a different job, etc. Maybe I can get a telecommuting job and just travel all the time, or maybe I can just save up and move to a remote island for a year.

Since my surgery in April I just kinda shut down. Why? I have no clue...if I knew I would most definitely change it! My BFF suggested that I get a job in a different state or get a job in two states and travel between the two during off seasons. I think the real problem is that I don't really know what the problem is. I just feel as though I'm consumed with repetition....and I can't stand standing stagnant. **Sigh**

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Online dating is a drag.

Everyone always says how fantastic online dating is and how this friend or that friend found their soul mate and how they're getting married. I beg to differ. Not only do you get judged by your pictures alone but 9 times out of 10 you're going to be contacted by someone who's sole purpose for using the website is just to find someone to 'hook up' with. I'm sorry but I don't want to catch hepaslutalitis. And as a 25 year old professional I am especially tired of getting the little 21 year olds who think that if they tell me that I'm gorgeous and that I am an angel. Little do they know that as far into the game as I am I know all the tricks, pick up lines and my BS meter is very accurate. Maybe I should just put out an add in the paper: '25 year old female seeks mature, respectable, responsible male. Do not contact just meet me at this place at this time.' Or maybe I'll just join a nunnery. lol

Monday, August 2, 2010

'I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.'

So today I decided to chalk it up and tell the boy that I wanted to come visit him. His response? Well, the gf and I are kinda on a break right now. (I'm thinking sweet action this is my prime chance to tell him that I really like him) thus I continue to tell him that I was thinking about taking a road trip with a friend up that way and thought that I would come see him since it's not too far away from where he is. He thinks this is a great idea! (now I think I'm really about to drive this thing home) He then proceeds to tell me that he's just not in a place in his life right now where he should be in any relationship and kinda just needs to take a break and work on him. Super. I thought that only girls used those lines. I basically put a bow on my heart and hand delivered it to him only to have him throw it on the ground and stomp on it. And so my boring single life continues....

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


What the hell was I thinking?? I will tell you what I was thinking; I was thinking that I lived in a fairytale. Wrong. I got caught up in the hopes that if I travel who knows how far away to a different state to visit some boy that he would miraculously see me and decide he's done with his girlfriend and that we're going to live happily ever after. Why do I let these stupid boys fill my head with all this nonsense about how they 'care' about me and that I'm 'the one'? Mmhm, if I was the one then I wouldn't be the single cat lady and you wouldn't have a girlfriend. But every once and a while...maybe after the desperation sets in and gets a little strong...I forget reality and think that my life is a fairytale. You can't see me right now but I'm hitting myself in the forehead for being so stupid. Now I will go back to the non-fairytale that is my life and remind myself that I will be alone for forever.

Friday, July 23, 2010


Ahh, it's Friday. It's getting a little cloudy outside and looks like the rain is coming. Oddly enough, that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside lol. When I was little and it was just me and mom #1 we would always make a picnic on the living room floor and have pizza and watch movie after movie. When it was raining outside that was even better because then we would make a tent over our picnic area and watch scary movies. It was always the simple things that we did that made me the happiest. I don't think I will pitch the tent today but I will have pizza and watch a scary movie tonight. :)

Thursday, July 22, 2010


I wish I was sleeping rather than sitting at my desk working. Or I guess not working yet since I'm typing this but I'll be working soon enough lol.

It's Thursday...which means that there's nothing very exciting except that So You Think You Can Dance is on..which is pretty freakin' exciting to me because it's amazing! Yes, I have a date with my DVR as usual. Like you were really expecting something different??

Monday, July 19, 2010

It's finally clear.

By Your Side Lyrics

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life(Chorus 2x)
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you I'll never let you go(Chorus 2x)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Fun in the sun

It's 94 degrees outside today in wonderful Florida. And what am I doing to beat the heat you may ask? I'm going to the beach of course! Yes, I'm aware that it's not smart as I will most likely pass out from heat exhaustion but oh well lol.

I have found my new I-don't-give-a-rats-ass attitude is working well for me! I don't care that my phone isn't working anymore and that I have no way to pay all the medical bills from my last surgery and the one before that one. Nor do I care that everyone around me is just peachy. I'm now peachy with not giving a crap. Yay for me!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Heavy heart.

Yesterday I went for a nice walk in the park with a dear friend. Remember the friend that I mentioned before who went from being my dark little rain cloud to spewing hearts and rainbows? Yep, one and the same. So I got to listen to how insanely happy she is and how she's never felt like this before about anyone and that it hasn't been that long but they already tell each other how much they love each other. BARF! Yet again, you can label me the 'little green monster.' I'm sure it's not an attractive quality to have but at least I put a smile on and let her know how happy I am for her, right? Yeah...

I have thus come to a point in my life that I am fully willing to accept the fact that the only relationship that I have is the one with my cat. I have no new and exciting stories to share about dates that I went on or the new guy that I'm insanely passionate about. I accept that I will be alone and live at home with my dad and my cat for the rest of my life. And now I will go back to work and try to forget how pathetic I just made myself sound by just simply telling the truth.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


So, today I found out that my mother (mom # 1) has been friend requesting and sending messages to my facebook friends. As if my life needed any more crap. My mother, though a very sweet woman, is crazy. I'm not talking kooky/weird crazy I'm talking bi-polar if she doesn't take her meds she starts to hallucinate kind of crazy. Though my childhood has been colorful to say the least I have learned to deal and accept my mother despite all of her 'issues'. However; I do not disclose the above information regarding my mother to any and all that I meet. Much to my dismay my plans have been foiled by my mother going behind my back and royally embarrassing me. Awesome.

Monday, July 12, 2010


My sister, her husband, and mom # 2 drove from OK to FL pick me up so we could begin our "driving tour" of all the beaches in FL. As mom puts it, "I wanna see all the beaches before they get ruined by all the oil!" Now, we all know that there is a possibility that the oil spill will reach the rest of FL and onward, however; no Floridian wants to hear someone saying that the spill will reach our shores and in turn ruin our businesses, economy and tourism especially this Floridian. Nevertheless, she kept saying to everyone she encountered, "Well, we're just visiting all the beaches while they're still pretty and not all ruined by the oil. Ya'll know it's going to come over this way, right?"

Other than dealing with the tackiness of mom #2 we had a fantastic vacation. I was of course told that if I ever get a boyfriend or get married that my significant other can come on our vacations as well just like my sister's husband. Then she proceeded to tell me that I needed to read this new diet book she just found. Yet again, I'm the single, slightly overweight one who has no significant other...unless you count my cat who apparently adores me. Thus the boring-ness of my life continues.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Rain rain go away come back....never.

As I mentioned before I'm perpetually single. While the cheese stands alone over here the rest of my friends and the rest of the population for that matter seem to be getting boyfriends/girlfriends, getting married or having babies or any combination therein. One dear friend of mine who I used to consider my little dark rain cloud is now spewing hearts and rainbows and everything fluffy and exciting from every orifice possible. Additionally, in the past month I have had three of my other friends get married- back to back weddings people! This all in turn makes me want to punch someone and vomit all at the same time. Not that I'm not happy for them; because I really am...but because maybe I'm a little jealous? Yes. I said it.

I mean c'mon...I'm 25 years old I have a good stable career I'm pretty and yet...I'm not getting married. Hell, I don't even have a boyfriend or any prospects for that matter. Although I do have every eager beaver out there telling me 'you're marriage material' and 'it'll be your turn some day, don't rush it you're still young.' This all coming from people who have someone. **SIGH**

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Ta da!

This is the story of me. A perpetually single, afraid of commitment, cat lover, book obsessed ball of mess. I welcome you to your front row seat into my boring yet sometimes unique life and I hope to keep you entertained enough to continue reading!