Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I am SO thankful to have my family. I know that there are some people who don't have a family or are estranged from their families and I can't imagine the heartache they must feel not only year 'round but even more so during the holidays. For the first time in YEARS we are all under one roof and we are all happy to have each others company! This is the first Thanksgiving in 5 years that I am actually happy to be where I am and who I'm with for the holidays.

My dad, uncle and I put the Christmas tree up Saturday. Even though we bicker about the location of the decorations on the tree or what angle it needs to be at, we're building memories that I will cherish forever.

No matter how much griping and complaining I do in life I am grateful for the family I have and the friends who are closer than family. Sometimes I forget this simple treasure but when the holidays come around I am reminded how lucky I am to simply be me.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Friday, November 19, 2010


In the business that I am in there are many fake people that I encounter almost daily. Maybe it's the girl who called from another office that needs a signature as her boss is out of the office. Or perhaps it's the rep from another office who's trying to butter you up so that you'll like them enough to feel inclined to send their boss some business. Whatever the case there are fake people everywhere. Sometimes it gets hard to decipher which ones are just trying to get your business and the ones who are really wanting to be your friend.

It just so happens that I have encountered one such person and deciphered within 1 minute of seeing her I knew right away that she was just trying to get the business. She had come in with her hair done up, jewelry dripping off of her, heels that went on for miles and a tacky tweed jacket to top it all off. Now, I had encountered her before outside of a work setting and thought that she was a genuinely a nice person and we were on the fast track to actually becoming friends. Maybe somewhere deep, deep, waaaay deep down she is a good person...but on the surface...not so much. Turns out she just wanted my business and once I told her no she stopped calling me, texting me and pretty much forgot that I existed.

So in she strolls to my office acting all perky and nauseatingly fake. Trying to sell, sell, sell. I wasn't having it. I tried to put on my most professional face and handle it with poise. I kept my composure but after she left I just spewed. She had the nerve to criticize everything from the locks on our doors to the curtains we have hanging in the lobby. I mean, really? A) It's not that serious. And B) How rude is that? You don't just come into someone's office and start talking about stuff like that to their face. Go complain to someone else if you really feel compelled to discuss it.

And yet these are adults that I'm talking about. Whatever. All I know is that if she does it again, she's getting called on it and I don't care where we are and who we're with. Take that! lol

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

This is the sound of my heart beat

I love how music is my therapy. If I'm upset I can find a song that matches what I feel and yell my frustration out. When I'm happy there's a song to correlate and extend my happiness. And so on through the various emotions. People go to shrinks and counselors....I just listen to music. Music is my drug.

And sometimes when I least expect it and when I'm in no particular mood at all one of my many favorite songs will come on the radio and it will brighten my day and take me away into the land of the song.

I realize that some people may not relate but some do. And those select few know exactly what I'm talking about. :)

Monday, November 15, 2010

Angry Customer.

Can I just say that I am overwhelmingly tired of Proactive? Now, the product itself works wonderfully don't get me wrong. It's the company that's full of shit and wants to charge hidden fees and then claim that they explained all of that and that you consented to it.

The reason I set up an online account was because I was trying to avoid going to the mall to buy their product when I can easily do it online and have it sent to my front door. Thus is my punishment for being lazy. I couldn't order the exact item I wanted online unless I purchased a full kit which they advertise for $19.95 which is whatever, I bought it and was satisfied. Then maybe 2 or 3 weeks later my account was charged $34.50 for another kit that I didn't order. They claim that I chose auto shipment...which is a load of crap. So I go and try to cancel out my account today because at the rate their going my entire paycheck is going to be at Proactive. But much to my dismay...you can't cancel online...you have to call a customer service rep and tell them that you want to cancel. Super.

The lady tells me that I can save so much money if I just keep my 'preferred member' status online. I told her thank you but I don't like the fact that they are automatically shipping something to me and I'm not given a choice to just order when I want to. Of course she says that I always have a choice and that I'm in control of the way I order. She's full of it. So I kindly decline. She then asks me if I want the final payments to be split up or paid all at once. Excuse me, what?? I already paid $34.50 for the last package they sent that I didn't want. Oh, they were kind enough to not charge the full amount at the time and split the payments up for me. So I have two more payments of $19.95 that I don't even freaking want!

I think that I'm just going to send the package back and write a nasty letter to the owner or whoever the heck authorizes the way they do online business. I'm usually not one to be an angry customer but today the gloves are off!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Thus is life.

Last night my father complained about my DVR habits stating that I, "have too much shit in there! Look at all of that...none of that is educational at all it's just mush!" Ok, I'll admit that the stuff I tend to record in an effort to prevent having a mini melt down as a result of me missing it are a bit lacking in educational value. But the reason I record The Vampire Diaries, The Big Bang Theory and Sonny With A Chance (to name only a fraction) is because I deal with criminals, death, destruction and quite frankly some pretty serious stuff on a daily basis. After a long day I need some kind of mental vacation so that I don't make myself sick with worry or analyzing everything.

At 25 I still read teen books full of vampires, fairies, everlasting love and dark secrets. I still watch cartoons and cartoon movies. I still get overwhelmingly ecstatic when I go to Disney World. Christmas is still my favorite holiday and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside like nothing could possibly go wrong in the world. And colorful, sugary cereal still gets me giddy. All of this is because if I don't maintain a little bit of innocence and put my blinders up then I would probably be a heaping mess of nerves and emotions. Everyone needs their happy place/time. I suggest all of you do the same if you don't already.

Friday, November 5, 2010

The past is the past.

A chance encounter made a flood of childhood memories almost suffocate me in a matter of minutes. My childhood is always a time in my life that I try my hardest to repress and forget with the exception of a few good memories like spending weekends at my best friend's house or having my grandfather present for every father/daughter activity that ever came up during my school years or even baking cinnamon rolls from scratch with my grandmother. Those are the memories I cherish.

The reason that I have made an effort to block all rest out is because of my mother. My mother has Bipolar Disorder. She came from a severely abusive family which only worsened the manic episodes she would have when she wasn't on her medication. She was a single mother and working with a fixed income so many times she would forgo her meds and self medicate with pain pills and liquor which obviously only makes things worse.

One manic episode she somehow regressed back to being a five year old who barley spoke any English. I had to distract her with toys and bubbles and make her feel comfortable enough so that she wouldn't run away into the woods. Simultaneously I had to make dinner for her, me and my then 1 year old sister. I was ten years old.

Another episode was when she was having some sort of a manic low and decided that she couldn't take care of me anymore. She left me in a store parking lot for 20 min. before deciding to come back for me. I was 4 years old.

These are only a few minimal things I dealt with growing up with a Bi-polar mother. If I wrote out all of them I would be here for days. With all the pain an hurt that I have endured with her...I know that I am a stronger person because of my experiences. I will admit that I was very angry with my mother for many years and it took me a long time to forgive her and move past it all. In the past 3 years we have grown closer and mended our relationship. Now I admire her for all that she has overcome and I consider her one of my best friends. Whenever I need someone to listen to me prattle or complain or worry....she's always the first person I call.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm the crazy one.

I have been continuing the hunt for a date and/or something more serious. I started e-mailing a guy (we'll call him J for now)last week and he gave me his phone number on Friday. This weekend I went out to a costume party with some friends so I completely forgot about getting J's number. On Sunday evening I finally remembered and so I sent a friendly text reminding him who I was and apologizing for taking so long to contact him. This all of course goes against all advise I have ever received from friends, family, television and books. The guy is supposed to be the first to contact you and you're supposed to sit back and just wait for him to muster the courage to call you. Well, for years I have been following this advice and obviously something is not working as I am still single so I dismissed all that nonsense and I sent a text. Sue me.

As a result the conversation went well, he's a great person and very nice (and attractive I might add). I don't know what is going on inside my dumb head but I have been thinking about this guy all day. I have little butterflies in my stomach and I'm thinking all of these what-ifs. I'm over thinking the situation like I have with EVERYTHING else in my life. So from my past experiences I can already predict what will happen. I will inevitably start telling my friends and family about him, go on a date with him and then in turn I will jinx myself and sabotage the entire relationship before it even becomes a relationship.

Thus with all that said....I am going to attempt to dismount from the path that is destruction and self doubt and try to find the correct path to be on.... Wish me luck!