Seriously?

What the hell was I thinking?? I will tell you what I was thinking; I was thinking that I lived in a fairytale. Wrong. I got caught up in the hopes that if I travel who knows how far away to a different state to visit some boy that he would miraculously see me and decide he's done with his girlfriend and that we're going to live happily ever after. Why do I let these stupid boys fill my head with all this nonsense about how they 'care' about me and that I'm 'the one'? Mmhm, if I was the one then I wouldn't be the single cat lady and you wouldn't have a girlfriend. But every once and a while...maybe after the desperation sets in and gets a little strong...I forget reality and think that my life is a fairytale. You can't see me right now but I'm hitting myself in the forehead for being so stupid. Now I will go back to the non-fairytale that is my life and remind myself that I will be alone for forever.

TGIF

Ahh, it's Friday. It's getting a little cloudy outside and looks like the rain is coming. Oddly enough, that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside lol. When I was little and it was just me and mom #1 we would always make a picnic on the living room floor and have pizza and watch movie after movie. When it was raining outside that was even better because then we would make a tent over our picnic area and watch scary movies. It was always the simple things that we did that made me the happiest. I don't think I will pitch the tent today but I will have pizza and watch a scary movie tonight. :)

zzzzz.....

I wish I was sleeping rather than sitting at my desk working. Or I guess not working yet since I'm typing this but I'll be working soon enough lol.

It's Thursday...which means that there's nothing very exciting except that So You Think You Can Dance is on..which is pretty freakin' exciting to me because it's amazing! Yes, I have a date with my DVR as usual. Like you were really expecting something different??

It's finally clear.

By Your Side Lyrics

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life(Chorus 2x)
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you I'll never let you go(Chorus 2x)

Fun in the sun

It's 94 degrees outside today in wonderful Florida. And what am I doing to beat the heat you may ask? I'm going to the beach of course! Yes, I'm aware that it's not smart as I will most likely pass out from heat exhaustion but oh well lol.

I have found my new I-don't-give-a-rats-ass attitude is working well for me! I don't care that my phone isn't working anymore and that I have no way to pay all the medical bills from my last surgery and the one before that one. Nor do I care that everyone around me is just peachy. I'm now peachy with not giving a crap. Yay for me!

Heavy heart.

Yesterday I went for a nice walk in the park with a dear friend. Remember the friend that I mentioned before who went from being my dark little rain cloud to spewing hearts and rainbows? Yep, one and the same. So I got to listen to how insanely happy she is and how she's never felt like this before about anyone and that it hasn't been that long but they already tell each other how much they love each other. BARF! Yet again, you can label me the 'little green monster.' I'm sure it's not an attractive quality to have but at least I put a smile on and let her know how happy I am for her, right? Yeah...

I have thus come to a point in my life that I am fully willing to accept the fact that the only relationship that I have is the one with my cat. I have no new and exciting stories to share about dates that I went on or the new guy that I'm insanely passionate about. I accept that I will be alone and live at home with my dad and my cat for the rest of my life. And now I will go back to work and try to forget how pathetic I just made myself sound by just simply telling the truth.

Mom

So, today I found out that my mother (mom # 1) has been friend requesting and sending messages to my facebook friends. As if my life needed any more crap. My mother, though a very sweet woman, is crazy. I'm not talking kooky/weird crazy I'm talking bi-polar if she doesn't take her meds she starts to hallucinate kind of crazy. Though my childhood has been colorful to say the least I have learned to deal and accept my mother despite all of her 'issues'. However; I do not disclose the above information regarding my mother to any and all that I meet. Much to my dismay my plans have been foiled by my mother going behind my back and royally embarrassing me. Awesome.