Tuesday, September 14, 2010

My heart beats for love....

Yesterday as I sat curled up on the couch with the cat I asked myself, why am I single? Maybe it’s because I can’t find anyone that I really want to spend time with. Or maybe it’s because I work too much or it might be because I never really go out to clubs and stuff. But honestly I think what it all boils down to is Seth.

Seth is a guy that I was with for 3 years. When we were together I always felt safe, loved and important. I felt as though I was the only person who existed when he was around. I loved him beyond words. You could’ve put Brad Pitt in front of me and I probably would have still been looking around for Seth. Our friends always said we were like a little old married couple the way we would show concern and unconditional love for each other. When he asked me to marry him I thought that life couldn’t get any better than this. But all good things eventually have to come to an end.

Four months after he proposed he told me that he was gay. My world crumbled and I was a mess for almost 2 years after that. I picked myself up and dusted myself off and decided to put it behind me and find my real soul mate. Fast forward to 5 years later and I’m still single and going through guy after guy who I just can’t seem to ‘connect’ with.

I have come to this conclusion. I think I am not necessarily waiting for someone exactly like Seth by any means but I think I am looking for that same type of love. I am looking for someone who I can feel safe, loved and important with. I want to find someone who I love unconditionally and not give a second thought to being with anyone else. Sounds like an easy task to find someone like that, right? Yeah, it’s much harder than I thought it would be.

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